If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
