I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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