just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
