His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my poor anus
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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