He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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