I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
