I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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