Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
