It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
