We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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