The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
