I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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