Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
