After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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