oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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