So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
