I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
