how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
