Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
