The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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