He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize