Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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