you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
