I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
