your thong is hanging out like whoa
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
