somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
