I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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