haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
