I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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