The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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