can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize