PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a hot homeless man
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
