Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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