this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
