You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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