Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
