We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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