I'm gonna have a badass scar
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
