I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
