Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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