May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I need to stop coming to work sober
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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