I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
