You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am puke
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
