He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
