I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize