I hate your face
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
