honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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