So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
