Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
