I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize