I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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