And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
