mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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