i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
