Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
