I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
