Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
