God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
