a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
