What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
