can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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