in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
