i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
