i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
