Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
