Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
