Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
