Umm I'm too high to move.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
