You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So squirting runs in the family.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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