I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
