you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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