I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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