yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
