At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
